Ten words that don't exist but should
by Tim Mercer

 
1. Aquadextrous Possessing the ability to turn the bathroom faucet on and off with your toes.
2. Carperpetuation The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
3. Disconfect To sterilize a piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.
4. Elbonics The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater or airplane.
5. Frust The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
6. Lactomangulation Manhandling the 'open here' spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.
7. Peppier The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.
8. Phonesia The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
9. Pupkus The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
10. Telecrastination The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.